Openings and No Endings


10> You have a reserved parking space with your name on it — at traffic court.

9> You spend an inordinate amount of time scraping hair and bone out of your front grille.

8> You get more unwanted tickets than friends and family of the Detroit Tigers.

7> After less than 10 minutes in your car, Saddam and his sons change their minds and now “feel like walking to Jordan.”

6> Your family already has a roadside cross ready to mark the inevitable spot.

5> Earl Scheib just named his new 160-foot yacht after you.

4> You see more middle fingers than a manicurist.

3> The highway patrol cops in your state have memorized your date of birth, social security number, home address, license plate number and how many points you have left before your 39th trip to traffic school, which is named after you.

This is a piece I had to write for my English class. We only had to write a ‘chunky’ paragraph, so . . . . . . . . . this is the begging, I guess. Enjoy!

Not now, please. Not today, not today, not today … I thought. Still, she kept walking towards me.

No, no, no, no! What did I do to deserve this?

Every day, I read under the awning. Every. Single. Day. No matter what, I was there, nose in a book. Today, it was sunny. A slight wind. It was really one of those days that you couldn’t pass up. It was towards the end of spring, so it hadn’t been too hot, but it hadn’t been rainy either. Not too windy. It was too perfect – I had sat on the swings, leaving my book inside.

Five minutes! Is that all the ‘happy time’ I’m allowed to have? What have I done to you?

No matter. It was too late to run, too late to hide, too late to get help. I had to stay. Try and stand my ground. Try to ignore them. Try to be strong without my shield of literature.

She just stood there. Just for a moment, she looked at me. I had focused onto a picnic table, just to give myself something to do, but I saw it from the corner of my eye. She stared at me. There was no pity in her eyes.

There was nothing except apprehension.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

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Sincerely, Lemons


2 responses to this post.

  1. “You know you’re a bad driver when” and the beginning of some novel?


  2. Posted by Freedom, by the way on March 13, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    Reminds me of my mastiffs when they want attention! So, I was wondering what a “chunky” paragraph was. Guess you answered that!


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