You’re Never Going to Guess

THOUGHT OF THE DAY: Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Really, you’re never going to guess what happens next. Enjoy!


As a few German Shepard’s – or that’s what they looked like, at least – lifted us onto a hovering metal plate, I tried not to panic. When the what’s-going-to-happen-is-going-to-happen-whether-I-want-it-to-or-not mentality didn’t work, I tried moving onto a different tactic. Since Ava was in the middle of our circle, she was least likely to be hurt. That had to be worth something, right?


After a few minutes of hovering on the metal plate, we started to see other plates with other people on them. Entering the ship, I saw a few neighbors who, by the looks of them, had been inside our local grocery store at the time of the explosions. I saw some kids from my school who are usually at the ice cream shop on the weekends. Among them were my two best friends, Melissa and Kathryn, but they were wrong, somehow. Their arms were bent at odd angles, and their faces were contorted with pain. When they saw me, however, their eyes brightened. At least they were alive-

Guys, Jade’s here! Was that Kat?

Is that good or bad? I think it’s kind of bad… Lissa?

Oh. She doesn’t know, does she?

Am I hearing your thoughts?

Yup. She has no clue. Jade, this ship is tricked up! You can hear anyone’s thoughts in here … we would have been able to hear the invaders-

Lissa, don’t you think they look like pets? I mean-

-but it’s all barks and meows and squawks. Oh. Pets makes sense. Does everyone agree? Do we call them pets?

Thoughtful yeses rose from the crowd of minds. This was so odd being able to hear everything’s thoughts-

Oh crap. If we can hear the Pet’s various forms of communication, then…

Everyone stop thinking! If we can hear their squawks and meows and barks, then they can hear our thoughts and plans and-

Various curse words rose from the crowd, and observations replaced planning.

Whoa! Lookie here, the walls are gray!

Who knew floors could be scary?!

What about the ceiling? You don’t want to forget to look at the ceiling!

That’s one thing about my town – they can be very boring when they need to be.

Meows droned out our pointless thoughts, and then came the high voice of- was that a translator? They had translators? As the fat orange tabby we saw earlier came into view, along with a skinny Egyptian Mau, my fears were confirmed. After a few more meows, the Mau spoke.

“I’m a, yes, translator. From now on, consider me her mouthpiece,” she said, cocking her head towards the tabby. After only listening to thoughts, real words were a shock. Standing up straighter, she began to talk for the tabby. “I am Queen Stunian, and things are going to change around here. First, we are going to stop all this ‘separate countries’ nonsense. The new country is going to be called Perld, and every one of you are now our pets. For centuries, you have abused us and used us for your own entertainment.” Spitting on the floor, the tabby continued to meow her message. “What’s the Human, or should I say Hoo, phrase for it? Get ready for a taste of your own medicine – we are done with your games. We are here to play some of our own.”

“After today, you’ll all be transferred to the ‘Jacks of All Trades’ Campuses, where you’ll be adopted by other Pets that either came with us or have been agents of ours – they will choose your course of study, depending on what they would like you to be. Take a Guard Hoo, for example. You will then follow the ‘Guardian’ course of study. If your newfound owner would like you to become a Battle Hoo, you would take the ‘Attack and Defend’ course, and so on. Until you are adopted, you will have a quota of classes to fill each session. There are severe punishments for not only rule breakers, but for those who don’t fulfill their quotas as well.”

“I have other cities to attend to, so I should say ‘Good Luck’. But that would mean I cared. Goodbye, Hoo’s.” Finishing her speech, both cats walked away.

We’re deeply, deeply screwed.

* * *

The same German Shepards from earlier came again, and after tapping the plates with their hind legs, the plates followed them deeper into the labyrinth of hallways that made up the ship.

These pets must have been really busy up until now, because you could see paint marks on the walls and scuff marks on the floor; the ceiling drooped and blueprints of various buildings littered the area. I even recognized some of them – there was the Taj Mahal, the White House, Birmingham Palace…

The pets weren’t taking over just America. They were taking over everything.

Even as my panic and hatred escalated, I marveled at the simple vastness of the place. The hallways could fit ten men shoulder-to-shoulder easy, and the ceiling was so high that you could stack two elephants with room to spare. There wasn’t just birds and cats and dogs here, that was for sure. But what else could there be? Who else could there be, for that matter?

Ava was being strangely silent throughout this whole ordeal. How could that be? Her nickname was Jabberjay for a reason, after all.

Ava, I thought in her direction. What’s wrong?

Look down, she thought back.

The urgency in her thought made me almost not want to see what had her so upset. After a short internal battle, curiosity won out, and I directed my eyes downward.


What was Kasey doing here?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

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Sincerely, Lemons


One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Freedom, by the way on February 20, 2011 at 7:25 am

    You’ve blown my fantasy of wanting to be a pet. (Well, one of my pets, anyway). Someone feeds you, you go in and out all day, play when you want, sleep when you want. Doesn’t sound like these people are going to have that luxury!


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