WWYG – What Would You Grade?

THOUGHT OF THE DAY: Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

Today, for homework, we had to write a short story. I figured I would post that, since I was able to get very little writing done for Elemental Warfare because of it. Here you go!


A cascade of shells and machine gun fire ricocheted around my feet. Wind pounded in my ears. All I could smell was fear. All I could taste was dust. It seemed like the unstable four walls that held my life together were about to collapse. How did I end up here? That’s when my sole sanctuary came into view, the only thing I could trust, my lone refuge Bezo’s Embassy.

At the top of the turrets I witnessed something that will never leave my mind. I saw guards fighting for something bigger than themselves, sacrificing their lives for a greater purpose. One by one, they fell. To avoid the line of fire or something more sinister, I did not know.

As my feet pounded against the sand, my destination the sole oasis ahead, all I could touch was dust. All I could taste was dust. All I could smell was dust. Then the single most horrifying thing I could ever have experienced in my entire existence, happened.

The drawbridge started to close.

There was a sudden silence. And then… I felt the cold. I knew instantly this was not a typical cold. This cold penetrated so deeply it could only speak of death. It was coming. The end was coming. The cold was starting to pierce my very heart, the thing I held most dear. My thoughts were beginning to fade, everything pushed away. It took all of the effort I had left, my final energy reserve, but I managed one more thought. “I love you. Forever.”

And then the world went black.

So? You like? WWYG – what would you grade it? Leave your answer in the comments and of course, sign up for notifications!
Sincerely, Lemons

One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Freedom, by the way on February 12, 2011 at 7:02 am

    I like your description of dying–COLD. I guess maybe it would feel that way. I don’t understnd the closing line “I love you forever.” Who/what does he love? Life? A woman? The country His country?If you put a reference in the beggining of the story, the ending would make more sense to me. But I like the story, nonetheless. Your grade? Oh, please don’t ask me to do that! (But you must follow up and tell us what your Prof thought!)
    btw: My latest post, The sound (& slience) of commerce is a departure from my usual opinion pieces. (Even I have to turn off the news and get off the soapbox once in a while). I would love to have YOUR opinion. Freedombythway. Look forward to more installments of Elemental Warfare.


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